Ask the Rabbi: Introducing Judaism
Written by Rabbi Dr. Jonathan Romain Monday, 11 January 2010
Rabbi Dr. Jonathan Romain of Maidenhead Synagogue addresses your questions. This week's question: "I am together with someone I hope to marry who is not Jewish. How can I encourage her to learn about Judaism without putting any pressure on her?"The best approach is to be honest and say something like : “I respect your right to be you, and I love you as you are, and I won't try to change you; but at the same time, Judaism is important to me and so even if you don't want to become Jewish, can you please learn about it, so that you know about me and my background; it will also help you relate better to my family, while it will also make it easier when we come to plan how to bring up any children we might have”. She could learn about Judaism through books or by going to an “Introduction to Judaism” class - many Reform synagogues have them - which is designed not to convert people but to inform them about Jewish life. Of course, be prepared for her to say “Okay, I am happy to do that, but in return I would like you to know about something that is important to me” (which might be her faith or something entirely different e.g. an art appreciation course so that you do not seem at a loss at her love of galleries).
Bear in mind that she may be confused by you if, like many Jews, you rarely go to synagogue and do not appear to keep Jewish observances. Those outside Judaism often do not appreciate that a non-practising Jew can still be very Jewish - be it in terms of culture or family life or assumptions about the future. They can be genuinely surprised that someone who enjoys bacon sandwiches and cannot read Hebrew still values their Jewish heritage and wants to have a Jewish home life or Jewish children. It means you need to explain what it is about Judaism that is important to you and why.
Two events for people in families with both Jewish and non-Jewish members will take place this month. Find out more about I'm Jewish My Partner Isn't (London) and Not Your Average Jewish Family (Leeds).
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