Ask the Rabbi: Jewish Mourning Customs
Written by Movement for Reform Judaism Thursday, 15 October 2009
Rabbi Dr. Jonathan Romain of Maidenhead Synagogue answers questions on the main Jewish mourning customs.Below are some of the rites associated with the different stages of mourning which have developed over the centuries, although there are many other traditions too. They are options that mourners may wish adopt as appropriate, depending on how helpful they are.
On hearing news of the death :
- saying the blessing upon hearing bad news (on p.411 in ‘Seder Ha-t’fillot’, ‘Forms of Prayer’)
- lighting a memorial candle at home
- not eating meat or drinking wine until the funeral
On the day of the funeral :
- lighting a memorial candle at home before leaving for the funeral
At the shivah :
- sitting on low seats
- commencing the refreshments by eating a hard-boiled egg
During the week of the shivah :
- lighting a memorial candle every day
- not going about your usual business
- having people visit your home
- having evening services at your home
- going to synagogue on Shabbat, but sitting in a different seat from usual
During the first month (sheloshim) :
- not cutting your hair
- not attending a place of entertainment
- not wearing new clothes
During the first year :
- going to synagogue to say kaddish
On the first anniversary :
- erecting the tombstone (though some prefer to do it earlier)
- lighting a memorial candle
- going to synagogue to say kaddish
On subsequent anniversaries :
- lighting a memorial candle
- going to synagogue to say kaddish
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